Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the tools they use look more like tools you would use to skin a dead cat than things I want in and around my mouth. Or maybe its the fact that I can’t see their grinning faces as they scrape and dig through my molars. And you never know what they’re talking about either…

“Debbie, can you do a reverse excavation on the rear 7-B lateral molar”

“Sure, I thought I’d dig in for a removal of the frontal elongated 3rd canine as well”

and all I can say is “uhhhh, eh wha ee oo aa uu oin” as my mouth is full of guauze or a spit sucker that is never in the right place so saliva is still spilling out onto my shirt.

I can remember being so afraid one time (approximately age 7) that I ran out of the room crying. How often do I run away from the things that help me the most?

I’ve been reading through Luke, and I read today in chapter 8 about how Jesus healed a demon possessed man. Actually, this guy, who lived naked and “among the tombs” had a bunch of demons in him. Jesus tells them to leave the man, and he’s healed. It goes on to say that the people living in that area “asked him to depart from them, for they were seized with great fear” (v. 37)

Now Jesus had just done an awesome miracle. He cured one of the most messed up of their people. And instead of embracing Him and following Him, they asked Him to leave.

When I read this I didn’t understand that reaction. It didn’t make sense. But I’ve asked him to leave too. I’ve run away. But why? Probably because embracing and following Jesus can be hard. My goals will change, my thoughts will change, my actions will change. I’ll treat people differently. My life won’t be like it was before. It won’t always be easy.

So, its alot easier to ask Jesus to leave than to recognize the good He’s doing. And look what He’s doing! He spent His time healing the sick, casting out demons, raising the dead. Forgiving sins. My sins. Forgiving my sins. And your sins. He spent His time dying for me. For us. The same people who keep messing up, who keep asking Him to leave, even if we don’t say it. All we have, life, forgiveness, strength is from Him.

So yes, it might be hard at times, and things will change. Like how I act and think and treat people. And in other ways, like having a new life in Jesus, like being forgiven, like being helped when its hard, and being loved when no one else might.

I’m gonna go make an appointment for the dentist. Because those scalpels and people behind the masks will clean away the crap from my mouth and make it clean. Thank you Jesus

I’m not exactly sure what it is I plan to write about most days.  But I feel like I have so many thoughts in my head that need to come out, need to be organized, need to be verbalized.  So if no one else reads this, it at least helps in my peace of mind.

Here’s something I was thinking about that has really been on my mind lately.  

Have you ever done something and failed at it, or done something and then realized it was not like you expected at all.  

Scene:  Christmas circa 1997.  I asked for and received a Erector Set.  Now I thought that I would have no problem building cars and other Erector-y things.  All it would take was screwing some things together, I probably wouldn’t even need the instructions!  I soon realized that I was terrible at building things.  My mind just doesn’t work that way.  I really just wanted it because my friend had an Erector set, and he was REALLY good at building things.  I wasn’t.  Plan failed.  But, if anyone wants a very lightly used Erector set, I’ve got one handy.  

Humility 

Scene 2: Ben Folds/John Mayer concert, summer 2007.  The day started out beautiful, and I was very confident in my weather-forecasting abilities.  The night would be beautiful I heralded to all who would listen.  Despite what everyone else told me I left my jacket or sweater behind and went to the concert as any man would, under-prepared.  The night ended with Tiffany and I leaving the concert early because I was freezing.  

Humility.  

I think God lets us go through these humbling situations from time to time to remind us how much we don’t know.  And yes, I know these situations weren’t that serious.  

Fast forward to Fall 2008.  Scene:  Trinity Int’l University.  I’ve been humbled again.  But how?!  I’m smart (Magna Cum Laude!)  I don’t get bad grades!  I try hard!  I know what I’m doing!  I had this all planned out!  This is what I wanted!  Why isn’t it working out?

Humility

Then I started reading Philippians.  Heres what it said… Please read it.

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.  And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.  Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed upon him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father” (Philippians Chapter 2, verses 4-11)

Humility!  Christ, who was God, died for us.  God died for us!  He didn’t have to.  He would have had every right not to.  He could have looked at us and said, “These people don’t deserve this gift.  All they do is mess up.  I try to help them, but they keep screwing it up.  It’s not worth it, I’ll just get out of here and beam myself up back to heaven”  Thank you Jesus you didn’t do that. Instead you’ve given us everything we need.  It all comes from you. 

I’ve been relying on myself.  Trying to plan out things the way I want them, because I thought I knew best.  Trying to solve my problems without lifting them up in prayer first.  Thinking I knew everything, without spending time in the Bible, God’s Word, daily.  Basically thinking and acting like I had everything I needed.  

But I didn’t.  

I should have never asked for an erector set.  I don’t have those skills, and I have no real interest in them.  I just wanted to have what someone else had.  

I should have worn a sweater to that concert.  I thought I knew best.  Instead, I should have listened to what everyone else told me.  

Humility.

Sometimes I just want to shout out WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Why has God done so much for us?

It’s so hard for me to wrap my mind around this:  God created us.  He didn’t have to, but he did.  And he loved us.  And then we start messing up all over the place.  He tries to tell us what to do.  Not to just make rules and punish us, but because he is trying to show us the best possible way to live.  He wants us to live completely with him.  But we don’t listen.  He keeps loving us, no matter what.  And we keep on sinning.  And he keeps loving.  Do you see a pattern? 

And then He has his son become one of us.  He even has his SON die on a cross for US.  For us.  For me, for you.  And I don’t deserve it, and neither do you, or anyone for that matter.  Why does he keep showering us with forgiveness and love and mercy and life in the midst of our constant sins.  Because he loves us.  How truly awesome.  Not like “That pizza was awesome”  But truly awesome.  That God loves us so much that He sent his son to die for us so that we can live.  

So humility is living my life in the light of the cross.  It’s reorienting my life based on that.  It’s not following a list of rules, thats not what being a Christian is about.  The Bible isn’t just some rule-book and list of laws either.  Christianity is about following Christ, who loves us so much, and has given us so much.  Humility is not doing what we want.  It’s not relying on earthly wisdom.  Its not relying on our own thoughts or desires.  Its living under the grace of God.  Thanking Him for it, and living accordingly.  It’s realizing that I am nothing, God is everything.  It’s serving others because thats what Jesus did and does.  It’s forgiving our family and friends.  It’s loving the people who seem to be our enemies.  

We don’t act humbly to make God happy.  We act humbly because of what God has done for us.  He has brought me back to Him through times of prayer, and through reading His Word.  Thats another gift that I seem so unworthy of, the Bible, and need to admit that I have not been spending the time in it that recognizes that it is a wonderful gift.  But God is teaching me, reminding me of His Word, and bringing back to Him humbly  

I don’t always understand God’s plan for my life.  But He is slowly showing me His plan.  Thank you Jesus for that.  Thank you for humbling me.  Thank you for sending your Son to die for me.  

Thats enough for a first post!  Probably too much, but those were the thoughts going through my head lately.  

PS for anyone who cares, God is taking me out of Trinity and into a MA of Christian education program back at Concordia, to be a DCE.  I’m nervous, but finally feel like God has brought me back to Him and is leading me in this.  Thank you to Him, that I’ve gotten over my selfish ambitions and ideas.  Peace out.